My husband told me last week that he loves me but no longer finds me sexually attractive…

It didn’t come as a shock to me as we haven’t had sex for months. We have been married 7 years and we have two children. In this time I have put on a lot of weight, especially with my two pregnancies, unfortunately I have not lost weight in between having the two children.

I am not happy either with my weight, when we married I was a size 8 and now I am a size 16. But I am angry with my husband for his attitude. It was both our decision to have children, but he wasn’t the one who had to carry and give birth to them.

It saddens me that he doesn’t love me unconditionally. I am also angry that he is so shallow and only looks at my body and not what is inside. I feel so rejected by him. I admit I am lazy when it comes to exercising and he is the opposite. I have tried diets and have lost some weight only to put back more than before I started.

I want my husband to find me sexually attractive again, but I also want him to love me just for being me. Do you have any suggestions what I can do to save my marriage?


Short of upsetting you, your husband married a size 8 not a size 16. If your husband was attracted to bigger women he would have married one. Men are very visual, and it is obvious that he does not find your extra weight appealing.

I don’t know whether you are angry with him or angry with yourself, but the answer is very clear to me, as to what you have to do to save your marriage, go and lose weight and learn to do some form of exercise that appeals to you. If you can’t do it alone, go and see a dietician who will teach you how to eat healthy food and create a healthy lifestyle, and not a crash diet.

By your own admission, your husband said he loves you but no longer finds you appealing. In that statement he is saying he does love you for being who you are inside, but not too excited about the body that is housing the lovely person you are. You have not mentioned if you have a health problem or breast feeding, if this is the case you have no excuse not to lose weight, and saying you are lazy is a cop out.

In fact if you took up some form of exercise, my hunch is that this would delight your husband who as you say is the opposite to you and loves to exercise. This would enhance your relationship by doing something together, which often goes by the wayside with couples who lead separate lives because they have nothing in common.

The most important part of this story is that let’s take your husband out of the equation; you need to lose eight for yourself, your own self esteem and for your health.