When is it time to seek MARRIAGE or RELATIONSHIP counselling?
Ideally, every couple prior to marriage or planning a de facto relationship would benefit from couples counselling. However, those who are already in a relationship and know there are areas in their lives, that are causing negative feelings and behaviours and believe they do not have the ability to solve the issue, would benefit from counselling, which would give them tools for changing the scenario or navigate through the situation to find a positive resolve.
Many people, especially men, have a fear of counselling, also a misunderstanding of the process of counselling. It is natural to fear sharing intimate secrets to a stranger, the thought can be both daunting and intimidating. However, the aim of a skilled therapist is to be empathetic, objective and make the couple feel relaxed and safe to express themselves in the therapist’s room without feeling criticised or patronised. The aim is for couples to leave a session with hope for a better relationship and skills to move forward together with both finding a mutual resolve for their combined and individual needs.
Here are some of the most common presenting problems in relationships
COMMUNICATION
Poor COMMUNICATION underlies many of the problems we experience in life, especially in relationships. We would all benefit if we communicated more effectively, at WORK, PARENTING, EXTENDED FAMILY, SOCIAL LIVES, RESOLVING CONFLICT, BLENDED FAMILY, SEXUAL and FINANCIAL ISSUES. Irrespective of any presenting problem, knowledge is power, and learning how to communicate effectively one’s own needs, is one of the positive gains from good relationship counselling.
WHEN COUPLES STOP BEING NICE TO EACH OTHER
Have you ever asked yourself, “when did we stop being nice to each other?” It’s a good question, that most couples can answer. When couple’s stop showing each other gratitude, affection, and appreciation, it’s usually because they feel more resentment towards each other than love. Counsellors allow each person to vent their resentments and help them both reconnect by teaching them to acknowledge each other’s stress in the relationship and look at ways of compromising, behaving differently and reconnecting.
CHEATING
Cheating and betrayal in any way, causes a lot of pain and grief. This in turn causes loss of trust, which is vital for a healthy relationship. There is a life after cheating, but it is not a quick fix. There is a healing process for the betrayed person, and an understanding and commitment from both parties to go through the process of exploring the betrayal, deal with each other’s vulnerabilities and with help from your counsellor learn to trust again and find a way forward in a “new” and happy relationship.
WE ARE LIKE BOARDERS LIVING IN THE SAME HOUSE
Couples often get caught up with daily life which involves working, raising families, and going in different directions. When they start to feel like living with a “friend” instead of seeing each other as their lover and soul mate its time to take stock and look at changing the dynamics of the relationship. Couples often stop “dating” going out and having fun together or with other people. Hence, seeing a counsellor will help them vocalise what is missing in their lives and look at ways of dealing with the issues. It may simply be learning to make time for each other by communicating their needs, being more considerate of each other and looking at ways to make each other happy. Furthermore, showing more gratitude, and appreciation for what each do often paves the way to recreate intimacy and affection. A counsellor will help navigate all the above to help the couple reconnect again.
WHY HAVE OUR LIVES BECOME TIT FOR TAT?
When a relationship gets to a point whereby no one agrees with the other, or there is a constant dialogue of “one-upmanship”, this is a recipe for disaster in a relationship. This is the perfect time to seek a marriage/relationship counsellor. It is time to learn how to listen and validate each other, also understand yourselves and why you feel it is important to prove that you are always right and your partner wrong. There are many reasons for this and if you want to rectify this, getting knowledge and direction from a counsellor to change the way you both clash and believe you are always right will help you move forward in your relationship and have better communication skills.
FINANCIAL ISSUES
Financial issues in relationships is one of the most prominent presenting issues today. The reason being, many couples today have separate bank accounts, do not share their finances, or have prenuptial issues. This often causes resentment which permeates into different areas of the relationship causing discontent.The role of your counsellor is to help you find a mutual resolve by understanding the presenting issues by looking at options that the couples have not considered. The end result being that the couple leave the session with a mutually happier financial arrangement.
DOES EVERY RELATIONSHIP COUNSELLOR OR THERAPIST DO SEXUAL COUNSELLING?
The short answer is no. Being a Sex Therapist, or Sexologist requires different training. Some relationship counsellors/therapists have special training in sexual issues.
WHAT ISSUES CAN A SEX THERAPIST HELP WITH?
If you feel that you are ticking the box of the above common problems, please contact Ruth Simons Psychologist today to arrange an appointment. Ruth is a compassionate and experienced counsellor who can help guide you to better outcomes for yourself and for your relationship.
