My wife and I have been fantasizing for years about threesomes. Sometimes we imagine having a threesome with another woman and sometimes with a man.
Our fantasy became a reality just recently when we went away for a holiday and we met a guy around the pool and my wife invited him to our room. I wasn’t quite mentally geared up for it and I think I always thought if we ever did it, we would do it first with another woman, but I was happy to go along with it initially.

Anyway to cut a long story short, we did it and it didn’t matter how or which way I tried I just couldn’t get an erection. This is the first time this has ever happened to me and I felt terrible.

Since that time we have come back home and I have not been able to perform since. It has to be psychological that is why I am writing to you rather than going to see a doctor.

I do not have a regular doctor since moving to the Coast anyway. Do you think I can get over this myself or do you suggest I see a sex therapist like yourself?


The short answer is that if you don’t improve soon I suggest you and your wife see a sex and relationship therapist together. In reality when couples decide to experiment with other people, it is very important to work out boundaries and limits before you plunge into unchartered territories. Many couples fantasize about threesomes, but taking the leap is often a different story in reality.

Although it may sound exciting and stimulating the result can often be an emotional disaster as you have now experienced. Quite often people have insecurities that they are unaware of and these insecurities pop their little heads out when faced with a confronting situation.

My hunch is this is what happened to you, as you say you were unprepared, thus watching another person do intimate things with your wife is very confronting. You are possibly now suffering with performance anxiety and you may simply need some Viagra or Cialis medication to kick start the motor. You do need to see a GP for this.
If this doesn’t work, as I first suggested you may need to see a therapist. Finally, I suggest you and your wife need to make a decision as to whether bringing other people into your sex life is what you both now want, and if you do, make very clear rules and boundaries as to what is acceptable by both of you.